It’s the new year. As if you did know, right?
And where I could spend a few blog posts worth of writing about what 2020 brought us, took away from us, showed us, and cost us – a full, unadulterated recap – but I’m not going there.
Something else stood out among all the suffering. Something else screamed for healing and betterment. Something else becae ridiculously clear to me in working with my creative students and clients.
It annoyed the fuck out of me (as a woman, as a creative, as an entrepreneur, and as a coach.
It also catalyzed me (as an advocate and fierce cheerleader momma bear for you).
Women feel they need to ask for permission to seriously pursue bettering themselves and doing the things they love.
Let me define seriously… because reading or listening to a book or 10 isn’t seriously.
Sharing inspirational quotes on social media isn’t seriously.
Listening to podcasts about growth isn’t seriously.
So what then, Kara, IS “seriously”? you may ask.
Good question. And that question is your first step to getting serious about truly growing into more of who you were always meant to be! High five, awesomesauce chick!
It’s your first step to shedding expectations of others in exchange for your own deep, genuine, joy and satisfaction.
It’s your first curiosity that will lead to your inner and outer freedom, even if you’re mildly annoyed with me for calling out what you’ve been doing as “not serious”. (stay with me, you’ll forgive me soon enough 🙂 )
It’s your first step into your REAL life.
I’m proud of you and joyful for you that you’ve continued to read this far, so don’t stop now, because here’s the answer:
Seriously means investing in your personal growth the way we invest in getting a root canal done. The way we invest in a broken bone. The way we invest in replacing the hot water tank that kicked the bucket, or the way we invest in stopping at Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee more often than we need.
Yes – it requires money.
Yes – it requires dedicated time to be assigned in your schedule.
Yes – it requires commitment to and belief in a process.
And yes – it requires bringing in someone skilled who knows more than you and who can help you shortcut the process of getting to where you want to go.
Investing in your own happiness and growth TAKES MONEY – so get comfortable talking about it, using it, and asking for support – not permission or understanding.Kara andretta
But unlike Dunkin’ Donuts and other mass money sucks that truly do not contribute to genuine joy and growth (sorry – your Netflix binge habit does not grow you or contribute to a better life) we take others seriously. We would always take a bone break seriously. Hell, my kid just managed a textbook-perfect spiral fracture of his humurus in his dominant arm and there is no way I could imagine not taking him immediately to the hospital for Xrays and bracing (believe it or not, they don’t cast these anymore!).
A broken arm can be overcome (you have another arm and it heals quickly enough). Most viruses are overcome in short time. Even the biggies like cancer when caught and treated (which we would ALWAYS do) can often be overcome.
The key is paying attention and getting skilled help.
Why are we so quick to deny ourselves the one kind of help that impacts absolutely every moment and every aspect of our lives?
Our minds and hearts (figurative heart) matter just as much if not MORE than the physical.
Even those with physical setbacks, disabilities, chronic illness, and struggles have great outlooks, fabulous relationships, growth mindsets, invincible belief that life has so much to offer them and that THEY have so much to contribute to the world.
So I have little-to-no willingness to listen to the lies so many people tell themselves about not having the money, or the time, or the permission or understanding from a partner.
Everyone needs and deserves a coach.
No matter who you want to have coach you, help you grow, and guide you to a more authentic and uniquely YOU life of your design, you need SOMEONE. Someone who is invested only in your growth, so this can’t be your bestie (they are personally invested), it can’t be your spouse (I think that goes without saying), and it can’t be you aunt/grandma/brother or anyone else who has personal ties to you.
Honestly, I’m certain you actually already get that, and it was just some confirmation for you.
The single biggest thing you really need is a GIGANTIC bundle of nerve (I’d say balls, but those things are actually pretty damn sensitive) to ask only for your partner’s support.
Let me say that again – SUPPORT.
You do not need their permission or their understanding.
Read that again.
You do not require your partner’s permission to become happier and to grow, and you do not require their understanding… so you do not ask for it.
All you ask for is their support.
If they’ve ever supported you want to get your nails done, they can support your mental and emotional and intellectual health and growth.
If they’ve ever supported your hobbies, they can support you becoming a more fulfilled version of yourself.
You do not require your partner’s permission or understanding to invest in your personal growth… so don’t ask for it – ask for support instead.Kara Andretta
If they’ve ever supported your weird habits that you know make them question your sanity but just let them go because you’re you and they accept you for being you, they can accept and support that you want to invest in the single most important thing in life for any human: growth.
GAH! I get it.
Those conversations, especially around money, are so freaking tough and uncomfortable! And it is the very first, easiest, and most common excuse (yeah, it’s only an excuse) to not get a coach for your personal growth.
You may have to get uncomfortable asserting yourself around money and seeming – though not really being – selfish.
Many of the reasons women shy away from asserting themselves when it comes to using “family money” for coaching:
- I don’t work, so I don’t feel like I have as much right to make big purchases for myself
- Women are to take their husband’s lead without much question or pushback
- Ownership of assets has only recently in our history been granted to women (think 1970’s when women FINALLY won the right – RIGHT – to have a credit card without the signed permission of a father or husband (FUUUUCCCCKKKKKK!)
- He doesn’t see the value
- Talking about money causes fights
- We need to put it toward other things
- They don’t actually believe that getting coaching will result in their happiness
- They don’t believe that getting coaching will help them earn more money
- They don’t believe they will do the work because they have a history fo not applying themselves
- They see spending money on themselves as selfish
- They have low-self worth
- They’ve convinced themselves that life is fine and others have it worse so they shouldn’t want more or better or bigger
- Any other litany of BS reasons that society has falsely fed us as women
Chicky… Friend… Fellow creative woman wandering this planet…
You deserve to flourish.
You deserve to grow.
You deserve to have more freedom in life.
You deserve to live more authentically.
You deserve to BE in any way you want to be.
You also deserve the unconditional acceptance of others who want for you exactly what you want for you, without exception or expectation.
You can find that in a coach.
You simply need to make the (sometimes scary) decision to invest in you.